In the Silence
by Lady Koyume
Summary: The first part in the series, Moonglow. When Shigure's new assistant puts his expanive knowledge of medicine to some truly unfair use, Hiei loses all awareness of self, and does some things he never would have, otherwise, and learns something invaluable.


Where was she? The dark-haired koorime called Hiei watched Shigure's 'new' assistant with dark, wary eyes. He was used to Tsuki, and though he told himself that he cared little for the petite woman with such a tragic past, he couldn't help but wonder. He held out a deeply gashed calf, and saw the demon he knew only as Haku, famed for his use of medicine, shake his head in bewilderment.

"You must truly enjoy scars," Haku commented, unable to understand it. Hiei wondered, mildly, what the demon meant, but didn't really feel like asking. Fortunately, Haku continued. "You're supposed to clean these out! Look, you must have fallen on something; it's stained, and that's not going to come out of your skin in the near future. Only you," he added in frustration, "could manage to _accidentally_ give yourself a smudge tattoo."

Hiei wondered if this fool of a demon would ever stop talking. He doubted it – in his experience, humans and demons alike never ran out of things to say. It must be exhausting. It was easier for him, and simpler, to comment wordlessly, speaking only in his mind. Plus, for some reason, it seemed to impress people. Go figure.

"Are you listening," Haku demanded. "Or are you just tuning me out?" Funny, that was exactly what Hiei had been doing. This _baka_ did not need to know that, though. Another thing Hiei had noted about sentient beings was that if you made no reply, they thought you were ignoring them. This tendency irritated him; it was why he spent so much time with Kurama, who didn't feel the incessant need to talk.

Why couldn't Tsuki have been there? She would never have launched such a verbal attack. Hiei blinked back the odd half-thoughts that rose in the back of his mind. They hadn't fully formed yet, but he already disliked them. Stupid girl. She wasn't even here, and she still managed to cause trouble! What could have called both her and Shigure away?

"I know what it is," Haku declared suddenly, a sly tone in his voice. "Girl got your eye? Go on, who is it?" _Anata wa baka-! (You stupid-!) _he growled within the quiet of his mind. Not knowing why that particular dark-haired, bright-eyed girl was such a sensitive subject, he felt ire rise, alarmingly tenacious. "I bet I know who it is, too. It's Tsuki, right?"

Hiei tensed, bringing his powerful self-control to bear against the desire to throttle this fool. This was a bad move, he knew as soon as he'd done it. The medicinal expert, already focused on wrapping Hiei's wound, felt the shift.

"It is!" Delighted, Haku finished dressing the rather nasty wound on Hiei's leg.

"Hn," he grunted noncommittally.

Haku grinned knowingly, which Hiei found incredibly annoying, but, of course, he wasn't planning on revealing it. It was strategically unsound to show others anything about yourself, and he lived by such strategy.

"Desire held in leads quickly to sin. Remember that. Take this," he instructed, "Immediately." Haku stood there and watched him swallow the largish pink pill. Pink. Who in all of Makai would want to make a pill _pink?_ "And follow me," he added.

Hiei rose - like a fallen warrior, almost - from the surgical table. Arguing would have only made this take longer. Unnaturally bright, white walls surrounded him, and several long minutes passed between them. He began to feel strange.

The first change that he would have noted, had he been very aware, was a great sense of claustrophobia. Suddenly, the hospital walls seemed to press in on him, making him want to run, to kill, to do something. Anything to get out of there. It wasn't a conscious thought – it was instinct alone.

That, too, was a change, but even had be been paying close attention, he would not have noticed. It wasn't meant to. This particular effect had started only seconds after ingesting the pill – demon pills were _not_ to be messed with – and as a result, his mind was locked away. Only instinct, and the cruel, animal cunning that lies within everyone remained.

His breath and heartbeat came faster, nearly as fast as a human's might be. "Jaganshi Hiei?" Haku pretended to be unaware of the effects his pill had brought about. "You need to sign, and then you can go."

Hiei didn't even hear him. His conscious mind, fighting its drug-induced prison, was entirely unaware of his surroundings. The drug pulled images from his mind; images very similar to those half-thoughts he had squelched earlier. Before, they had not been strong enough to resist his will. Now they overwhelmed him.

'Hiei!' That was his name, he thought foggily. He should go to the voice. The voice… Tsuki's voice. His eyes widened, and without another thought, he turned towards the sound.

As he walked into the forest, occasionally hearing his name, a whispery, windy voice calling to him from within his own mind. The fuzzy images, which had faded away like so much smoke when Tsuki's voice had come to him, now returned. They clarified, feeding the soulless creature that was usually completely contained by his forceful mind. Heat rose to the Jagan eye, even as it did in other, less unusual places.

Innocent images came first. His subconscious was too used to obeying his conscious mind, and it took a bit to overcome that conditioning. He saw petite, raven-haired Tsuki, smiling at him, and crowded into it, her electric blue eyes watching him from above. He saw the girl, could feel her in his arms, could hear her laughing. He could still hear it when the picture shifted, and, hallucinating, he saw her on top of him, both naked, and could feel the cool sheets below him. Another sheet, flawless white, covered both of their lower parts. That didn't make a difference. He could feel everything, and was completely unaware of the forest around him. He did not notice the falls, or the bleeding scratches, or even the minor demon-creatures that eyed him curiously.

There was only Tsuki. Tsuki looking up at him again, dark, thick, lovely hair contrasting against her porcelain skin. She was pleading with him, and he felt a surge that pushed him into a frenzy, and brought a moment of relative lucidity. He wanted her, wanted her with an urge that could not be denied.

The moment passed, and he was seeing her again, no longer smiling. Vivid pools of blue overflowed, and she was begging him to stop. Betrayal lent her face a quality that he found appealing. Hiei smiled, and suddenly, she was there. Actually there this time.

"Hiei?" Her tentative, innocent voice shocked him, and he could only stare. "Hiei, what are you doing here in the woods? Are you okay?" Those bright, glowing red eyes unnerved her, and she found an uneasiness that she had never before felt around him.

Hiei just smiled at her. She took a step back, suddenly afraid. She wanted to run, but this was _Hiei._ She trusted him. "I'm going home," she said uncertainly. "Want to come?" He smelled strange, she noticed suddenly, but she couldn't place what was so strange. Maybe it was a blood transfusion; Hiei had been known to be reckless enough for such things.

The look in his eyes was just wrong. Tsuki knew, suddenly, that this wasn't Hiei. This wasn't the koorime that she knew and, secretly, loved. She could see, in his bloodred eyes, a demon in every sense of the word, and turned back the way she had come. She was in danger.

"Tsuki." She stopped, hearing Hiei's voice say her name, actually speak it aloud, for the first time. She had wanted to hear it so badly, for so long, but this was wrong. There was something cruel and basic in his voice, and she shuddered. Her feet stopped moving, locked in place with fear. She didn't turn to look at him. She couldn't.

Bad move. If she had been watching, she could have gotten out of the way, but his blood was pounding, and he wanted her. He could have taken her right away, but he wanted more. He wanted to see her hurt, to see her cry. He wanted to hear her cry out in pain. The drug took his hidden desire for her, his wish to see her happy, and perverted it, twisting it beyond all recognition.

She cried out as her face hit the nearest tree, and a trickle of blood stung her eyes. "Hiei, stop, stop, please," she sobbed. "This isn't like you!" His manic smile only widened, and Tsuki cowered in fear.

But she would not scream. She wasn't cooperating. Hiei growled in frustration. Her body, though toughened by her stay at Silent Hill, was no match for his hard, conditioned muscles. She stopped fighting him, but he could see the pain and betrayal in her vivid, electrifyingly blue eyes, and it brought him to new heights. There was nothing slow or foggy about his thoughts now. They swirled, franticly unwilling to wait.

Why wouldn't she cry out? "Scream," he told her roughly. The abject terror on her face made his heat harder to contain, and he wanted her, wanted her so badly. His need for her had become almost painful, and he hadn't been so aroused in years. He removed his belt, and secured it around her ankles, so that she couldn't run again.

Her clothing was torn off an instant later, and he was seeing the body he had been secretly longing for, and it was almost too much to bear. Sensations coursed through his body with an intensity that shocked him.

She tried to back away when he dropped his own black pants, revealing what the baggy material had hidden so well. That was half the purpose behind those pants – it kept his manhood from betraying him. Well, it was a factor, anyway.

Her eyes went dead, as she saw that there was no escaping. And she knew, suddenly, who was responsible for this. It wasn't Hiei.

Hiei looked around, seeing that he was back at the hospital. His last clear memory was of leaving the room, and he wondered what had happened. He felt terrible. New scratches and cuts stung his face, and his head pounded mercilessly. He'd had the strangest dream; but why had he been sleeping in the hospital in the first place?

Hopping off the bed, he noticed a bloodstain between his fingers. Odd. Disconcerted, he left, heading for Mukuro's place. He wanted to rest, and see if that would get rid of the headache.

Halfway there, a familiar figure with ice-colored hair confronted him. Touya's face was livid. "If I had been there," he whispered coldly, menacingly, "You would be dead. I should kill you right now for what you've done, but Tsuki expressly told me not to. You're lucky," he spat. Hiei could see active hatred in his expression.

"Hn," he muttered halfheartedly. He wanted to ask what had happened, but sensed that this would be a bad idea. Touya was nearly as powerful as he, and had nearly killed Kurama once. So he honestly didn't know; the ice demon might actually be the stronger.

Touya was watching him, unmoving, so it was a complete surprise when the demon moved in closer, and hooked his knee up visciously. Then, suddenly, he was gone. This was probably best. Hiei was unable to completely push away the pain from such an unexpected quarter. Serendipity struck: the lancing stabs cleared the last few cobwebs from his mind.

It became immediately clear that something had happened to Tsuki, and that it was his own fault.

He raced back to the hospital complex.

It was a surprise to see Shigure and Mukuro both there, talking quietly in an out-of-the-way place, but he wasn't really worrying about it. They both noticed him standing there, barely concealed panic in his eyes.

"I've seen her with wounds before, but I never expected them to come from you," Shigure commented. He wasn't angry, really, just curious. "You slept for a long time," he added. His words sent another wave of shock through his already worried mind. He didn't understand. "I guess it's not as though this sort of thing hasn't happened before," the demon surgeon continued. "It's odd, though. I haven't seen her so upset for a long time. Rather unfortunate, for you at least, that all her friends found her before she was able to get over it."

What had he done? Thoughts racing, he tried to piece it all together, but the answer he came up with made no sense. Somehow, he could recall, if he strained, a bedroom, and Tsuki smiling, white sheets, and a forest. It didn't add up at all.

"Shigure," Mukuro admonished sharply. She turned to Hiei. "We think," she explained carefully, "that Tsuki was raped, and before that, maybe during the ordeal, beaten. I'd like to hear your side of this story." Her voice carried a tone that Hiei had never expected to hear from her. Was that pity? It was another few seconds before her words sank in.

Horror. It coursed through his mind, and ate away at his thoughts, but his impassive face showed nothing. It rarely did. "I don't know what happened," he said honestly. "I don't remember anything." They both nodded in acceptance, having expected this. Shigure had an idea of what might have happened, and he had told Mukuro.

After a moment of awkward silence, he asked roughly, "Where is the girl?" Shigure pointed, wordlessly, to the infirmary.

When Hiei peered through the cracked door, he could see her. She was smiling, laughing the way she always did, at Chu's silliness. Her left arm was in a sling, and he swallowed hard. Has he broken a bone? He made no effort to go in, just stood there, watching. Shigure appeared behind him again.

"She claims that you took something from her, and she took something of equal value from you," he told the koorime quietly. "It was an exchange." Suddenly the memories flooded back, and Hiei realized the full extent of what he had done, but he also saw the truth in the demon doctor's words. She had taken something from him.

She had stolen his shield.

He could no longer watch impassively, because now, everyone knew. She had taken away the protection he had found in this, and to him, this was, indeed, of great value. He would miss it sorely. It wouldn't change how he was in general, but where she was concerned, he couldn't lie to himself anymore.

That was her 'something of equal value.'

He stood there, leaning against the wall, and watched her for what felt like several hours, but was really only one. This time it was Chu who confronted him, exiting the ward, and there was nothing of his normal goofy ways in his demeanor. "You're lucky, lad. She says that she was willing, or I'd kill you where you stand. She wants to see you, by the way."

Hiei really, really didn't want to see her. It would be more than uncomfortable. He didn't know how he could bear that. Funny, he thought, I'm not afraid of any demon, but Tsuki frightens me. He went in.

"Hiei," she smiled at him. He loved her voice, and it was wonderful to hear her say it. Not that he'd admit it aloud, but he had to start being honest with himself. He touched her free hand, and Tsuki knew, looking at him, that that was the only way he could say it. He loved her. It was more than she expected, and her grin widened. Tears of joy fell from those endlessly blue eyes.

Tentatively, Hiei's own lips twitched into a smile. He had no doubt, now, that she had forgiven him.


End file.
